I can't Believe That It Hurts
Well, Hello again...I just want to share you some bits of changes really. Although I've been blogging a lot of time these past few weeks, for me they were never enough..coz I still miss my one and only Bloomie although Pax is always there for me but still I miss sharing you what's happening around me.
New Updates?
I changed my Facebook password.
Well, i planned it like a couple of weeks ago but ngayon ko lang nagawa, maybe because I always forget about it.
I just can't believe I'd Be Hurt Like this.
Now, this is what I'm talking about...I miss sharing you my real feelings about things and people. Now that I have unlinked you to my other accounts, I guess I can freely write anything to you and not worry at all. Well, here's the thing...I feel so bad about myself for feeling this way. I have no valid or even reasonable reason to feel this way. I don't know why it stings my heart knowing that everything changed for the both of us. I missed the old us..duh, if you're thinking about someone I mentioned last months then you're wrong. It's not M-just making sure you're thinking of the right person Bloomie. Oh right, I don't even have the courage to spell out his name cause who would expect me to feel like this? No one-even I.
I wanted to talk to him about this and I tried...
Yes I did. It was like I could compare myself into a puppy begging for a little child's attention, I hate it. I know from the very start that there's nothing and there would never be any romantic stuff going on between us and I like it. I like the fact that we are friends, close friends or shall I say were. I don't know now. I can't feel the friendship that I used to feel before. I miss it.
I just thought it was forever, but forever is a lie...
Although it was somehow constructive for us to promise "Walang iwanan..." , for me I was serious about it. I just never thought he would forget it or choose to forget it or take it for granted. I just miss every way every actions every call every worry and I miss the way he calls me with that unique name when he's the only one who kept on calling me that. And of course I have a unique name to call him too. I still use it to call him but it's as if I was just an ordinary friend he met always yesterday. He's cold - suddenly. He cracks jokes but not like before.
It's obvious, boy...so don't lie to me...
Honestly, I asked him if how was he and why he's not very active on activities - that I just notice which involves me. And he said it was just nothing. It really hurts sensing that he's like doing everything to avoid me. I miss that smile and I miss that akbay and I miss that comforting words and actions including the hangouts. I know it's not that long since the day we knew each other or the day that we became friends but all those time, I really enjoyed his company.
It makes me wanna shed a tear...
Now, I'm in front of the computer remembering those time when we're still together..friendship so alive. Texting when I'm bored. He was always there to help me and to be with me when there's no one else available. He was ready to eat with me during lunch despite of the fact that he finished his lunch already. Well, the thought really counts. He was just worried-I guess- for me to be eating alone during my lunch. I miss those times when he's ready to pick me up no matter where I am and sends me home and tell him thanks. I miss those times when he always says 'yes' to anything I asked him.
I can't take it anymore...
This very time, I could feel the tears rolling on my cheeks. I just remember our kulitan moments. Nothing knew about this feeling even my closest friends...and who would expect that this would be the impact? I just miss those time when I don't really want to go to school because I'm tired but he's there to cheer me up and inspires me to go to school and tell me he have something for me or even buy me anything I want so I would go to school ASAP. I miss those time when we bid our farewells...I even led the saying of goodbye but the thought of them leaving me makes me miss them already and I was surprise to see him minutes later after the goodbye, he just came back to give me something which made my day really. Yes, he came back to give me that thing.
Everything's changed...
Everything between the two of us did. He's my friend and a special one. He's one of those people whom I wanna cheer up because they've been through a lot but still they kept their smiles and pretend they are the happiest but I know what he's been feeling inside...and I want to fill that loneliness with happiness..I want to. But now, how? He does't even seriously reply to my FB messages; it takes him half a day to answer my text message; he doesn't look at me, talk to me, wave at me, smile at me, laugh at me and treats me like I never existed in his life at all. Now, tell me, what's wrong? What's wrong with me? or what's wrong with him? Am I that unlikable now?
I know he's shy so I took a little move to see his response...
Seeing him everyday acting that he doesn't know me stings my heart really. Well, maybe I'm a bit exaggerated to tell you that he doesn't know me but figuratively it really is. He's treating me like a no friend at all...and although it's purely friends I feel jealous with the others whom he continue to treat the way he originally treats his friends..what's really wrong with me? I was really bothered. So last time, I got the chance...I sat nearest to him but he was facing half-back at me. You know what hurts more? He never did bother to face me. I intended really to hit his bag but it's as if he was not move at all. He never talk to me.
He said he missed me too...
But I never did feel it. Women intuition and I strongly believe in that...but I really wonder, why is he avoiding me?
He said before sayang somebody owned me already...
I feel so bad for him to think like that. Why does it have to do something with our friendship? Huh? And beside nobody really owns me, he was just assuming that I was owned by someone and he can't be with me anymore..is he nuts?? Everything changed that time...that time when he thought that way..I don't like the changes but I don't have better choices. He always keeps distance...and treats me as a stranger.
We were just strangers before and we're now going back to being strangers again..
I Just Can't Believe That It Hurts... :|
You have no idea how much I miss you...I hope we'll be back to being good friends :)
New Updates?
I changed my Facebook password.
Well, i planned it like a couple of weeks ago but ngayon ko lang nagawa, maybe because I always forget about it.
I just can't believe I'd Be Hurt Like this.
Now, this is what I'm talking about...I miss sharing you my real feelings about things and people. Now that I have unlinked you to my other accounts, I guess I can freely write anything to you and not worry at all. Well, here's the thing...I feel so bad about myself for feeling this way. I have no valid or even reasonable reason to feel this way. I don't know why it stings my heart knowing that everything changed for the both of us. I missed the old us..duh, if you're thinking about someone I mentioned last months then you're wrong. It's not M-just making sure you're thinking of the right person Bloomie. Oh right, I don't even have the courage to spell out his name cause who would expect me to feel like this? No one-even I.
I wanted to talk to him about this and I tried...
Yes I did. It was like I could compare myself into a puppy begging for a little child's attention, I hate it. I know from the very start that there's nothing and there would never be any romantic stuff going on between us and I like it. I like the fact that we are friends, close friends or shall I say were. I don't know now. I can't feel the friendship that I used to feel before. I miss it.
I just thought it was forever, but forever is a lie...
Although it was somehow constructive for us to promise "Walang iwanan..." , for me I was serious about it. I just never thought he would forget it or choose to forget it or take it for granted. I just miss every way every actions every call every worry and I miss the way he calls me with that unique name when he's the only one who kept on calling me that. And of course I have a unique name to call him too. I still use it to call him but it's as if I was just an ordinary friend he met always yesterday. He's cold - suddenly. He cracks jokes but not like before.
It's obvious, boy...so don't lie to me...
Honestly, I asked him if how was he and why he's not very active on activities - that I just notice which involves me. And he said it was just nothing. It really hurts sensing that he's like doing everything to avoid me. I miss that smile and I miss that akbay and I miss that comforting words and actions including the hangouts. I know it's not that long since the day we knew each other or the day that we became friends but all those time, I really enjoyed his company.
It makes me wanna shed a tear...
Now, I'm in front of the computer remembering those time when we're still together..friendship so alive. Texting when I'm bored. He was always there to help me and to be with me when there's no one else available. He was ready to eat with me during lunch despite of the fact that he finished his lunch already. Well, the thought really counts. He was just worried-I guess- for me to be eating alone during my lunch. I miss those times when he's ready to pick me up no matter where I am and sends me home and tell him thanks. I miss those times when he always says 'yes' to anything I asked him.
I can't take it anymore...
This very time, I could feel the tears rolling on my cheeks. I just remember our kulitan moments. Nothing knew about this feeling even my closest friends...and who would expect that this would be the impact? I just miss those time when I don't really want to go to school because I'm tired but he's there to cheer me up and inspires me to go to school and tell me he have something for me or even buy me anything I want so I would go to school ASAP. I miss those time when we bid our farewells...I even led the saying of goodbye but the thought of them leaving me makes me miss them already and I was surprise to see him minutes later after the goodbye, he just came back to give me something which made my day really. Yes, he came back to give me that thing.
Everything's changed...
Everything between the two of us did. He's my friend and a special one. He's one of those people whom I wanna cheer up because they've been through a lot but still they kept their smiles and pretend they are the happiest but I know what he's been feeling inside...and I want to fill that loneliness with happiness..I want to. But now, how? He does't even seriously reply to my FB messages; it takes him half a day to answer my text message; he doesn't look at me, talk to me, wave at me, smile at me, laugh at me and treats me like I never existed in his life at all. Now, tell me, what's wrong? What's wrong with me? or what's wrong with him? Am I that unlikable now?
I know he's shy so I took a little move to see his response...
Seeing him everyday acting that he doesn't know me stings my heart really. Well, maybe I'm a bit exaggerated to tell you that he doesn't know me but figuratively it really is. He's treating me like a no friend at all...and although it's purely friends I feel jealous with the others whom he continue to treat the way he originally treats his friends..what's really wrong with me? I was really bothered. So last time, I got the chance...I sat nearest to him but he was facing half-back at me. You know what hurts more? He never did bother to face me. I intended really to hit his bag but it's as if he was not move at all. He never talk to me.
He said he missed me too...
But I never did feel it. Women intuition and I strongly believe in that...but I really wonder, why is he avoiding me?
He said before sayang somebody owned me already...
I feel so bad for him to think like that. Why does it have to do something with our friendship? Huh? And beside nobody really owns me, he was just assuming that I was owned by someone and he can't be with me anymore..is he nuts?? Everything changed that time...that time when he thought that way..I don't like the changes but I don't have better choices. He always keeps distance...and treats me as a stranger.
We were just strangers before and we're now going back to being strangers again..
I Just Can't Believe That It Hurts... :|
You have no idea how much I miss you...I hope we'll be back to being good friends :)
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