This feeling sucks! When will this ever end?

I dunno how to describe it really...that day was unexplainable. Good and weird. How can I mix those two?

Days before the enrolment, some of our classmates were already discussing their plans about how to make the best results out of enrolment. Who I meant by "some of our classmates" are actually Ikki's team. They were figuring out, in a wise way, how to get rid of that teacher in this one particular subject who gave us unreasonable grades. I understand them. How we, my team,  also wanted to get rid of that teacher too.

But I honestly have no plans on enrolment, all I was thinking was to get the same schedules like my friends or my usual classmates. To be honest, I also like to go with Ikki's scheds because he is really reasonable in choosing schedules but choosing him over my friends would  hurt my team although in an indirect way especially they would wish to be in a different sphere from the rest of those guys. I don't know if it's just me or that's really true. I just feel it that way.

I don't know what's the real "thing" going on between them. It's just that I don't understand why I can't embrace the two teams together in a truthful way. Or let me say, I understand, somehow, the team where I am in if they act that way towards them. Believe me, I really do. I just can't accept the fact that I can't do any better thing to somehow patch things up and make everything perfect...or almost perfect...or less than perfect.

It's kinda sad for me to be torn with these people who are very dear to me. Anyway, what exactly happened during enrolment was a weirder one than any of these thoughts going on inside my brain. I decided to go with John's schedule since he's one of those you know...close to me and kinda sensitive. He said he's almost the same with Marbon's schedule except for R.E. So that's how it went. My other friends were supposed to follow our schedules...like we used to do. And they did. Forget about the story of Ikki first. But I didn't realize we were kinda too early for the slots to be available for our other friends to be in the same class with us. Weird right? And there's something unexpected that happened to John's R.E which is not so desirable so we ended up in choosing other R.E class.

I guess you already deduced what exactly happened. The person whose schedule is exactly like mine is...Marbon. Yeah, I know it's not much of a deal but I also think it is. But everybody knows we're over and done although "the door will remain open for the both of us" just like how we decided to leave it during our last kinda-serious talk in my Facebook chat. I know it's kinda embarrassing in my part if anyone would know about that conversation and it would hurt someone or even some people to know how that conversation went. Now that I remember it, it's kinda bothering for me the fact that Ikki accidentally knows my Facebook password and he might have read our conversation but he also told me he won't open my account until something bad happens to me or any emergencies. And I trust him.

Anyway, there's nothing much to keep in secret in our last talk, I guess, so it's okay if Ikki could see it...or not...or I don't know how he would feel. Nyay! As much as I could remember, I was just being brave. It depends upon how people would see my bravery. Hmmm. Plus I was just telling the truth about us.

So another confession. I'm honestly disappointed with one of our teacher. I won't mention his name but I think he's gay. I'm not judging here. Everything goes with scientific basis.This teacher gave me 2.25 as my grade in his subject. It's not fair! That grade ranges from 75-79. I don't know what he's thinking. I don't know if it's just me or him. But you know what I'm thinking? He likes my boyfriend who also happened to be his favorite student in our class, although he has a lot of favorite GUY STUDENTS, my boyfriend was his most favorite.

I worked my reports well. I did my assignments. I answered my quizzes. I studied in my exams. Was he that jealous of me dating his favorite guy in the class? Hahaha. I know it sounds absurd but I can't deny that feeling of hatred.  I'm sorry, I shouldn't have used that word. I never meant to be like him.

Another thing. I don't know if it's just me, again or it's really how everyone feels or just some of them. They were kinda hesitant to let me copy their schedules because they were thinking that if I'll copy their schedule then it's the same with they will be having the same classes with my guy. I won't mention any names here. Honestly, it hurts me realizing that but I can't display my emotions. So I just smile and tell them, don't worry. He won't copy my schedule since they have other plans. They smile too.

It's a sad thing to be in my situation. It's difficult to be caught between two parties. It's very hard for me to decide and think and I feel like I have no sense of direction. I chose my friends over him because I know he understands why I did that. I prioritized my friend's happiness than my own. As a result, I am not happy about it.

I know I'm very much knowledgeable with the "Follow you heart." advice. And honestly, my heart says to be with those who are dear to me. My intention was to be with most of my friends but what happened was the opposite. I didn't love or even like what it had become. But I have no choice.

Something i really don't understand is that why do people hate him that much? And I happened to be caught in between for loving him. Awwww. Thing feeling sucks. I wanted answers which I'm not sure available. I guess his suplado personality after all that they never give chance to see the kind side of him. I understand them, yeah, yeah. I totally do. It's just that it's not fair.

Ever since I had this idea of relationship, way back when I was very little, but big enough to understand things, I always watch movies wherein a girl is caught in between her lover and her friends. And I said to myself, I never wish something like that to happen to me. But what's happening is the opposite. Hmmmp. When will this ever end?

:'(